One of the hardest parts of parish life—and campus ministry too—is that you can be doing a lot of good and still be losing people quietly.
They come once or twice. They smile. They’re polite. They seem open. And then they’re gone.
Not because they hate the Church. Not because they’ve made some dramatic decision. Most of the time, it’s simpler than that: they didn’t know what to do next, and no one walked with them long enough to help them figure it out.
The Vulnerability of the First Visit
We underestimate how vulnerable that first season is. A new family walking into Mass at a parish they don’t know. A student showing up to a Catholic center for the first time, wondering if they’ll be judged or ignored. A young adult who finally built the courage to come back after years away. They don’t need a flawless experience. They need a clear one. They need to feel noticed. And they need a next step that’s so obvious it feels like an outstretched hand.
Most parishes and campus ministries already have next steps. The problem is they’re usually hidden behind assumptions.
We assume people will introduce themselves. We assume they’ll stay for coffee hour. We assume they’ll scan the bulletin and figure it out. We assume that if they’re serious, they’ll push through the awkwardness and find their place.
But that’s not how human beings work, especially not now.
When the Path Isn’t Clear, People Drift
People are already tired when they arrive. They’re already carrying a thousand things. They’re already a little skeptical of institutions. So when the path isn’t clear, they default to what’s easiest: they slip out, they tell themselves they’ll try again next week, and life fills the calendar before “next week” ever comes.
Here’s the shift that changes everything: stop treating the “next step” as information, and start treating it as pastoral care.
Next Steps as Pastoral Care
Pastoral care isn’t only what happens in the confessional or the hospital room. Pastoral care is also reducing confusion for people who are trying to take God seriously. It’s clearing a path for the timid. It’s making it easier for someone to say yes.
And yes, this is spiritual. Because confusion is one of the enemy’s oldest tools. When people don’t know where to go, they drift. When people don’t feel seen, they assume they don’t belong. When there’s no clear invitation, they interpret silence as rejection, even if nobody meant it that way.
Why Momentum Matters So Much
In campus ministry, this is especially brutal. Students live by momentum. If a student has a good experience on Tuesday night but doesn’t receive a personal invitation to something concrete by Thursday, the week moves on and the window closes. Their roommate invites them somewhere else. They get slammed with assignments. A weekend trip appears. By the time you see them again, you’re basically reintroducing yourself.
It’s not because students are shallow. It’s because they’re human, and their world is loud.
Parishes face the same dynamic, just slower. A family might attend for a month, never connect, and then gradually disappear. When you finally notice, it feels like they “left.” Often, they just never got integrated.
Why Events and Charisma Aren’t Enough
This is why I’m wary of ministries that rely on charisma or “a great event” as the solution. A great event can open a door. It cannot build a home by itself.
Homes are built with rhythms.
The Power of Rhythms
A rhythm says: “This is who we are. This is what we do. You can count on us. There’s a place for you here.”
When a parish or a Catholic center has strong rhythms, newcomers relax. They don’t feel like they’re trying to decode an insider culture. They can show up without fear. They can take small steps without needing to be experts.
That rhythm starts with one question most leaders don’t ask often enough: What do we want someone to do after their first visit?
Not eventually. Not in an ideal world. Literally: what is the next faithful step?
Owning the Next Step
For some communities, it’s meeting a person who can learn their name and introduce them to others. For others, it’s a newcomer meal once a month that doesn’t feel like a sales pitch. For a campus ministry, it might be a small group invite that’s personal and timely. It might be a clear “come back next week and sit with us” moment. It might be as basic as making sure the welcome table is staffed by someone who is warm and competent, not just well-meaning.
But whatever it is, it has to be consistent, and it has to be owned by someone. If everyone owns it, no one owns it. And if it’s optional, it won’t happen under pressure.
Why Communication Is Part of Pastoral Care
This is also where communications matter more than we admit. Most parishes are “announcing” constantly, but very few are communicating clearly. Announcements are what we say. Communication is what people actually understand and remember.
If the next step is buried among ten other invitations, it won’t land. If it changes every week, people won’t trust it. If it’s only in the bulletin, you’re relying on a habit most people don’t have anymore. If it exists only online, you’re missing the people who need a human hand.
Discipline, Not Budget
Clear next steps don’t require a big budget. They require discipline. They require the humility to choose a few things and do them well. They require the courage to say, “We’re not going to be everything to everyone this month. We’re going to be very good at welcoming and integrating.”
Belonging Comes Before Giving
And this is where the conversation comes back to money, whether we like it or not. Because generosity follows belonging.
People give when they feel connected. They give when they trust leadership. They give when they can see what their sacrifice makes possible. They give when the parish or ministry feels like their spiritual family, not a service provider they occasionally use.
If the front door is leaky, the budget will always feel tight. You can preach stewardship until you’re blue in the face, but if people aren’t being integrated into a living community, stewardship will always be fragile.
Removing Barriers, Not Building Machines
At Partners in Mission, we often start with a simple diagnosis: where is the path clear, and where does it break? What happens after a first visit? After a second? How are names captured? Who follows up? What are the “hand-off” moments between Mass and ministry, between event and relationship, between curiosity and commitment?
Not because we’re trying to turn the Church into a machine. Because we’re trying to remove unnecessary barriers between a person and the life God is offering them.
The Most Pastoral Move
If you’re leading a parish or a campus ministry and you’ve felt that quiet ache, we’re doing good work, but we’re not holding on to people, don’t default to panic, and don’t default to adding more programs.
Start with the most pastoral move you can make: make the next step obvious, personal, and consistent.
That one shift, done well, changes more than most people expect.
